Folks, we have a national problem. Marriage. Now this is not going to be a blog post with titles like:
Dating: The road to Hell
The Rate of Divorce: Climbing Mt. Everest or Swimming down the Mariana Trench?
Ditch the High School Boyfriend. Chasing Him with an Ax Works Just as Well.
Dads: Time to get some Target Practice in.
Nope. I'll let the rest of blogging world deal with that for right now. There is another matter that I have noticed through the years that bothers me even more than elementary school dating and the climbing rate of divorce.
And as Catholic's, it's right in our faces.
I know that there are many problems with guys and the whole courtship/dating thing, but this particular post is directed at those young women who know that God has purposed them for marriage but have not found "him" yet, otherwise known as the "waiting period".
"Waiting period." Wow. Even the name sounds discouraging.
During this period, there are two extremes girls can fall into.
1. Excessive dating. She is either afraid to wait for God's time or she does not care to wait. She feels she has to be in a relationship at all times, regardless of whether the guys she hangs out with are ready for marriage or not. It is a need within her- a need to be fulfilled. She goes into a relationship with only a faint idea of marriage, there is no purpose and little commitment involved. For, you see, she is afraid of commitment. The commitment to stay true to herself and find purpose. She is afraid of marriage, but she is also afraid of being alone.
2. The other extreme is Excessive Courtship. She too is afraid of commitment. However, instead of thrusting herself on society she waits at home. Yes, perhaps she has a job, helps her mother at home, or even aspires to do other things, but never does, because she is afraid. She waits for "him" to come knocking on her door.
The first girl is often seen in our society because she is always out there, living in the moment. There are many of the second type of girl too, especially I find, in Latin Mass communities, though we do not see them as much because they remain hidden to our eyes. Though miricles do happen, it is unlikely that either of these girls will turn out with a happy marriage. The first type of girl, as we often see, will end up in a bad situation with a boyfriend or enter an unhappy marriage that ends with a divorce. The second girl will suffer much; she will probably have to wait many years until someone is brave enough to discover her. Men may see her at church or a few socialities, but because she does not step outside her comfort zone, she will often never go further that that. If a man does discover her, the girl may marry him only because she thinks no one else will find her, or if no one does, she will give up hope and remain single. Or maybe many men do find her, but she is quite picky in looking for only the 100% perfect man.
These are both very sad cases, and it is crucial for parents to recognize these extremes. Our culture encourages parents to let their daughter date whomever she wants whenever she wants, while other parents fall into the other extreme because they are so repulsed with society. Both of these can place high amounts of stress upon the girl and her family. I think it is important for parents to lay out their "dating/courtship" rules on the early end, before there are emotional attachments. I can't tell you how important this communication is between parents and their children. I have seen many young people who date behind their parent's backs because there have never been clear rules and communications set, and these young people believe their parents are too strict and don't listen. Every family will have different rules, but it is important to keep both of these extremes in mind when laying out the rules/guidelines.
So, that being said, what should a young woman do during this waiting period?
This waiting period can be a great time of growth for a girl. This is often a time of independence. Girl's have finished high school and are looking at career/ job opportunities. God can use this time to ready you for your future; He is constantly pushing us to grow, simply waiting or partying are not wise ways to use this time. Use the tools God has given you. Get actively involved in the world and the people around you. Live in the world, but not of it. It is a beautiful thing when a girl has an innocent confidence about her and can be in the world without letting it change her.
Here are some ideas of things to promote growth and ready yourself for marriage:
-Make time for volunteering. Prolife, food banks, helping the poor, misson trips. Maybe there is a certain talent you have that could help someone else. I can't tell you how many stories I have heard of couples who have met through volunteering. Volunteer your talents.
-Not judgemental. It is so easy to judge other people. One person doesn't dress modestly, another is too stuck up. Remember, love is the greatest virtue.
-Pray for your future husband.
-Make a list of things you would like in him. That way when you find someone, you can see if he is what you are looking for. Sure, he may be handsome, but is he kind, generous, thoughtful?
-Do not obsess about finding him. Sometimes we look so close we miss it.
-Push yourself outside of your comfort zone. Everybody has dreams. That's what makes you stand out as an individual. It can actually be attractive to guys if they see a girl who is willing to do things she's never done before and chasing her dreams. And it can be empowering to you too.
-Learn. The world is full of information and amazing things. Sometimes we can get stuck in a rut. The same job, the same stuff every week. Learning something new gives you a new perspective on things. It doesn't have to be a college class. Maybe you've always wanted to learn a few chords on the guitar or raise bees or something.
-Surround yourself with people who inspire you and have wisdom. These people can be great mentors when you don't know what to do.
-Be open to all things God puts in your path. Sometimes we hold back, thinking we aren't ready for marriage. Tell God you are ready for whatever comes next. Sometimes being ready is a state of mind, rather than a physical aspect.
This post is more geared toward young women who are just out of high school or early college. I know there is also an issue with young women who are finished with their education who are still looking for "him" and becoming hopeless. Because the truth is, the world does change you; it has an affect on you, whether you like it or not. Are you one of those young women or do you know someone who is dealing with that? If so, what advice would you give them? Post in the comments!
Dating: The road to Hell
The Rate of Divorce: Climbing Mt. Everest or Swimming down the Mariana Trench?
Ditch the High School Boyfriend. Chasing Him with an Ax Works Just as Well.
Dads: Time to get some Target Practice in.
Nope. I'll let the rest of blogging world deal with that for right now. There is another matter that I have noticed through the years that bothers me even more than elementary school dating and the climbing rate of divorce.
And as Catholic's, it's right in our faces.
I know that there are many problems with guys and the whole courtship/dating thing, but this particular post is directed at those young women who know that God has purposed them for marriage but have not found "him" yet, otherwise known as the "waiting period".
"Waiting period." Wow. Even the name sounds discouraging.
During this period, there are two extremes girls can fall into.
1. Excessive dating. She is either afraid to wait for God's time or she does not care to wait. She feels she has to be in a relationship at all times, regardless of whether the guys she hangs out with are ready for marriage or not. It is a need within her- a need to be fulfilled. She goes into a relationship with only a faint idea of marriage, there is no purpose and little commitment involved. For, you see, she is afraid of commitment. The commitment to stay true to herself and find purpose. She is afraid of marriage, but she is also afraid of being alone.
2. The other extreme is Excessive Courtship. She too is afraid of commitment. However, instead of thrusting herself on society she waits at home. Yes, perhaps she has a job, helps her mother at home, or even aspires to do other things, but never does, because she is afraid. She waits for "him" to come knocking on her door.
The first girl is often seen in our society because she is always out there, living in the moment. There are many of the second type of girl too, especially I find, in Latin Mass communities, though we do not see them as much because they remain hidden to our eyes. Though miricles do happen, it is unlikely that either of these girls will turn out with a happy marriage. The first type of girl, as we often see, will end up in a bad situation with a boyfriend or enter an unhappy marriage that ends with a divorce. The second girl will suffer much; she will probably have to wait many years until someone is brave enough to discover her. Men may see her at church or a few socialities, but because she does not step outside her comfort zone, she will often never go further that that. If a man does discover her, the girl may marry him only because she thinks no one else will find her, or if no one does, she will give up hope and remain single. Or maybe many men do find her, but she is quite picky in looking for only the 100% perfect man.
These are both very sad cases, and it is crucial for parents to recognize these extremes. Our culture encourages parents to let their daughter date whomever she wants whenever she wants, while other parents fall into the other extreme because they are so repulsed with society. Both of these can place high amounts of stress upon the girl and her family. I think it is important for parents to lay out their "dating/courtship" rules on the early end, before there are emotional attachments. I can't tell you how important this communication is between parents and their children. I have seen many young people who date behind their parent's backs because there have never been clear rules and communications set, and these young people believe their parents are too strict and don't listen. Every family will have different rules, but it is important to keep both of these extremes in mind when laying out the rules/guidelines.
So, that being said, what should a young woman do during this waiting period?
This waiting period can be a great time of growth for a girl. This is often a time of independence. Girl's have finished high school and are looking at career/ job opportunities. God can use this time to ready you for your future; He is constantly pushing us to grow, simply waiting or partying are not wise ways to use this time. Use the tools God has given you. Get actively involved in the world and the people around you. Live in the world, but not of it. It is a beautiful thing when a girl has an innocent confidence about her and can be in the world without letting it change her.
Here are some ideas of things to promote growth and ready yourself for marriage:
-Make time for volunteering. Prolife, food banks, helping the poor, misson trips. Maybe there is a certain talent you have that could help someone else. I can't tell you how many stories I have heard of couples who have met through volunteering. Volunteer your talents.
-Not judgemental. It is so easy to judge other people. One person doesn't dress modestly, another is too stuck up. Remember, love is the greatest virtue.
-Pray for your future husband.
-Make a list of things you would like in him. That way when you find someone, you can see if he is what you are looking for. Sure, he may be handsome, but is he kind, generous, thoughtful?
-Do not obsess about finding him. Sometimes we look so close we miss it.
-Push yourself outside of your comfort zone. Everybody has dreams. That's what makes you stand out as an individual. It can actually be attractive to guys if they see a girl who is willing to do things she's never done before and chasing her dreams. And it can be empowering to you too.
-Learn. The world is full of information and amazing things. Sometimes we can get stuck in a rut. The same job, the same stuff every week. Learning something new gives you a new perspective on things. It doesn't have to be a college class. Maybe you've always wanted to learn a few chords on the guitar or raise bees or something.
-Surround yourself with people who inspire you and have wisdom. These people can be great mentors when you don't know what to do.
-Be open to all things God puts in your path. Sometimes we hold back, thinking we aren't ready for marriage. Tell God you are ready for whatever comes next. Sometimes being ready is a state of mind, rather than a physical aspect.
This post is more geared toward young women who are just out of high school or early college. I know there is also an issue with young women who are finished with their education who are still looking for "him" and becoming hopeless. Because the truth is, the world does change you; it has an affect on you, whether you like it or not. Are you one of those young women or do you know someone who is dealing with that? If so, what advice would you give them? Post in the comments!